“I began to understand what it meant to read.” So begins a passage from Knausgaard’s The End, a meditation on reading that unfolds into something broader, a reflection on the limits of perception. To read, he writes, is to move through the dark, following lights one after another, but that movement is never separate from the reader. We see only what our selves, and our cultural conditions, allow us to see. What remains inaccessible defines the horizon of the act.
What held me was the final line: “To grow older is not to understand more but to realise that there is more to understand.” It is a sentence I returned to several times. It resists the idea that age confers wisdom, or that time yields any closure. Instead, it suggests that with age comes the erosion of certainty, a widening of the perimeter of unknowing.
Reading, in this sense, is not a method of solving or mastering, but a gradual exposure to what lies just beyond our capacity. Knausgaard suggests that if we read with sufficient attention and care, we may begin to recognise these limitations. What is revealed then is not simply the text but the outer edge of the self. Learning, as he describes it, is not about advancement but about recognising that the world is larger than the mind that apprehends it.
“…there is always something we cannot see and places we cannot go.” The poignancy of the truths here is certainly not lost on me, now in my mid-60s. I have more time to read than ever, but find I choose what to read much more carefully, because my time no longer feels unlimited. But those choices are based on a desire to confront the other kinds of cultural or personal limitations Knausgaard mentions: to learn, to understand, yet also to embrace uncertainty.
Love the idea of reading as “seeing the words as lights shining in the dark” . The closing sentence is something I am becoming ever more aware of as I pass into ‘retirement age’. It’s frightening sometimes to think how much I still don’t know about our world.
I think I understand how the thought might be frightening. It isn’t my experience, which is rather a combination of intense curiosity and benign resignation.